We are only ten days into 2026 and I’ve already hit a massive brick wall. Since the first full moon of the year on January 3rd, I’ve been feeling heavy, sleepy, foggy. I’ve struggled with keeping my schedule which had been working really well for me. I’ve not been able to create anything substantial at all and just two days ago we all watched a murder happen in real time. I’m stuck. I find myself shifting in between doomscrolling FB and dissociating with Dutch Blitz on my phone or ipad. The activist in me wants to do more. She is angry. The healer in me wants to do more. She feels all the hurting out there. The Godsperson in me wants to do more. She is on constant alert. The artist in me wants to do more. She is lost.
I guess the writer in me is taking over. I had no idea there was a writer in me. I know I dreamed of becoming an author, more specifically, a Llewellyn author, back in the early 90s when I worked at a local occult store. I had practiced witchcraft for a few years by then, but I hadn’t found the spiritual side of paganism until my son was born in 1992. Now, with the launch of my first book with Llewellyn, this should be one of the happiest times of my life. How can I be so joyful when there is such pain in the world, not just the world abroad, but here, right here in my neighborhood. I feel like i’m going through the motions. We are planning podcast interviews and launch parties and such. How can I reconcile being happy when there is so much anger, pain, fear, hate, in this country right now?
Then I realized a couple of things that are helping me shift out of the helpless mindset I’ve been stuck in. First, I realized that this book represents my service to my spiritual community. It is a resource for those not close enough to attend rituals in person with already established Godspeople. It gives information about the deities and practices that have been shared mostly orally, sporadically shared in various FB groups, and certainly not written down in one spot. It represents promises I’ve made to my deities, most notably to Holle as chief deity of Urglaawe, to Saaga for the gift of creativity and the ability to tell the stories she wishes us to remember, and to Wudan who I dedicate all my rune work and studies to. Second, I realized that stuck is where they want us. Stuck is a part of the plan. I realized that creating art is a form of resistance, building and supporting community is a form of resistance, storytelling is a form of resistance, just the act of having joy is a form of resistance. They don’t want us to have joy, comfort, or hope. They wish us to live in fear, subservience, or worse to not live, not to exist, at all.
That is unacceptable. I refuse to comply in advance and I will exist, no, I will LIVE, loudly, brightly, without shame for who I am. I realize that not everyone can do that. I may be half indigenous Mexican/Puerto Rican, but I don’t “look” latina so I don’t expect to be harassed for that. I am bi/pansexual and polyamorous, but you can’t see that from the outside unless you assume that from my brightly colored hair so I likely wouldn’t be harassed for that either. I am handicapped and use a walker or wheelchair. That may make me a target, sure. I am a woman. More specifically, I am a woman with opinions. That also makes me a target. I am a leader of an alternative religion. There are several reasons the current administration would target me or people like me and there are plenty of reasons to live quietly and in secrecy. But for me, I can’t do that. I have finally found my voice and I will not let anyone silence it. I will use it to boost other marginalized people’s voices as well as my own and to put out as much love I can to counteract the hate that is running rampant right now.
Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, I want to talk about a something I saw on FB this past week. A friend posted the following:
While you are wishing for things to get better, your opponents are learning and practicing operative sorcery.
Then, a few scrolls later, I saw a post from a “beginners witchcraft” group that was suggested to me. The post declared loudly “witches don’t support trump!” Let me just say, that is a patently false statement. While the current administration may be banging on the Christian Nationalist drum, you can be sure there are plenty of magic workers surrounding them and working in their favor. There are others that have written about effective magic against the current fascist regime, so I won’t get into that, suffice it to say that there are plenty of magical ways to work against the fascist takeover we are currently undergoing.
This brings me back around to how I was feeling so stuck and how I am feeling now. I revisited a piece of art I created at a live draw a few weeks ago. It was meant to be a word or phrase to focus on for the new year. When I created it, I was concentrating on what I personally put out into the social media world and how I could shift my own focus to include more joy, more wonder, more happiness. I am by no means burying my head in the sand, but I am trying to put out into the world what I want to have more of in my life. What is that exactly? Love. A piece of Blue Star liturgy that I keep close (it’s tattooed on my right ankle in fact!) states that “there is no greater magic in all the world than that of love.” I want to post things that make me laugh, that make me smile, that bring me joy. I want to bring those things to others so they too can smile and laugh. I want to spread love outwards.
Creating isn’t hiding out, it’s an act of resistance. I am going to go out into the world and commit the sin of empathy. I am going to find joy in nature and share it with others. I am going to exist loudly, continuing to create art and tell stories. I will still strive to take care of the world around me, focusing on where I can be most effective; building community and creating safe sacred spaces. I am going to live as best as I can by the unofficial motto of the Blobarrick Freindschaft – Macht’s immer besser. “Make it always better.”
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